Wednesday, January 19, 2005

As I sort my thoughts out about this semester (even though I am only one week into it), I find I am contemplating people much more than before. I am so aware of the moments in life that pass by so quickly. They are like the telephone poles that whiz by on the freeway too fast to count, but still mark the distance. The markers all seem to contain opportunities with people; opportunities that they silently ask you to take, but never voice. I feel like I need a map, or even just a legend to tell me what the signs mean.

And when the moment passes and I do not decipher it's meaning, is it too late to go back and respond? At times I choose in brief moment to ignore the moment. I speak when I ought to be silent. I stand alone when I ought to reach out. I look away when I ought to smile.

What is it that makes me choose in that split second? Is it ignorance? Pride? Insecurity? All of the above? I wonder how my life would change if I became more intensely aware of the choices I make moment to moment. I wonder what would change if my actions towards others were completely void of any consideration for myself. If I lived every moment of the day as dead to myself but alive to Christ, I would perhaps rarely think about myself at all.

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