Tuesday, May 25, 2004

The post below came from absolutely nowhere. Don't ask me why or wherefore. It just came.

Gray blue eyes are dry
Hot tears fall on my heart
I'm breathing in water
Salt water from my tears
I do not cry outside
Outside I'm smiling sunshine
Inside the rain is falling
Pooling gray blue tears.

Monday, May 24, 2004

When you're bored

"It's like candy for your nose. The next time you're bored you can light this, make up a little mantra, and meditate on the universe inside your belly button."

(My co-workers suggestion after giving me some of his imported Indian incense.)

Sunday, May 16, 2004

Twilight Zone

Having now been home an entire week, I am just now slowly coming out of the twilight zone between my school life and home life. Coming home always gives me a strange feeling at first. In one sense home is so normal and familiar, as if I had never left. We have the same furniture, the same cups are in the cupboard, the computer is still a little slow, my ivy plant is still on the back porch, and my dad's red shirt is still hanging up on the coat rack. All these things make it east to fit bakc into home life. On the other hand, I keep stumbling across things that make me realize how much can change in four months. My youngest brother and sister have grown about three inches, our bathroom is entirely redecorated, my sister leaves for work every morning (with my car), and my mom has groups of cute little children that come to her in the afternoon for piano lessons.

Stranger still are the moments when I remember experiences and people relating to things of which my family has no idea about. It's as if I live two separate lives which are entirely disconnected with one another and I jump back and forth from one to the other every four months. I suppose that that is all a part of being a college student, but it does make a twilight zone which I must pass through going from one life to the next. I muddle my way through it every week following coming home. It doesn't always show on the outside, but my brain is in a constant see-saw trying to re-program everything for the appropriate life. Hopefully I never lose myself going from one to the other.
Our conversation was non-stop for three hours. After not seeing each other for four months we had catching up to do, and we're still not done. It's one thing to catch up on what we did, but completely another to catch up on all our thoughts, plans, and musings. She is one of the few girls I know in which I am completely comfortable in being my entire self when I am with her. With most of my friends, I express a particular side of myself when I am with them; the side that we both have in common. I am completely okay with that, but with her I can be my intellectual self, my girly self, my humorous self, my frustrated self, my confused self, my creative self, and my zany self at any one time and I know she'll understand.

We ended up in our favorite coffee shop late this afternoon, her with an iced tea and I with an iced latte. I reveled in the fact that I am back in the land of real coffee, and that I didn't have to brace myself before sipping my drink. She told me about the newest pathetic coffee shop in town, and I told her my woes at failing to even find a qualified coffee shop at school.

After I took her back home, I felt a little sigh of relief. It was the comfortable relief of having a stimulating conversation that was entirely natural and easy with someone who understands you. That coffee shop will definitely see a lot more of us over the next three months.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Sonnet LX

Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore,
So do our minutes hasten to their end;
Each changing place with that which goes before,
In sequent toil all forwards do contend.
Nativity, once in the main of light,
Crawls to maturity, wherewith being crowned,
Crooked eclipses 'gainst his glory fight,
And Time that gave doth now his gift confound.
Time doth transfix the flourish set on youth
And delves the parallels in beauty's brow,
Feeds on the rarities of nature's truth,
And nothing stands but for his scythe to mow:
And yet to times in hope, my verse shall stand
Praising thy worth, dispite his cruel hand.
Hmmm...this is the first time since Blogger's new format that I've blogged an entry. I need to take some time and find my way around again. Inspiration was put on hold when the unexpected format came up. Will return shortly.

Saturday, May 08, 2004


As I write this entry, I sit in the Cleveland Public Library. Cleveland Public Library is one of the grand old libraries that seem to belong to eternity, never having a beginning or an end. It's also staffed by librarians of the same kind; they don't necessarily seem old, their age reaching a cessation as they seemingly become part of the library themselves.

The computer lab I'm using is just like any other computer lab in a library, though seeing computers in this ancient building is rather odd. The other oddity, which I have never seen in all the computer labs I've used is that the computers have names. Yes, that's right. The computers have been named. I sit at 'Little Will', and on either side of me are 'Craig Miles' and 'Brainerd'.

This is actually my last day in Cleveland. I've re-packed all my belongings into the two enormous white boxes, though this time they are both covered with a few more layers of duck tape. A friend and I were laughing the other day as we watched students packing up their vehicles with their belongings, trying to make every last thing fit. We laughed at the absurdity of what we actually do in college; pack up all our stuff and haul it to school for a few months, then pack it all up again and haul it back home, just to re-pack it again and haul it back to school. Why do we do this? I don't know. It would seem more expedient to just move to the school for the four years rather than move every four months. Yet I too find myself in the ridiculous moving cycle. I fly home tomorrow and will be sleeping in my sister's room tomorrow night. Doubtless we will stay up long into the night, catching up on all our girly news in excited whispers. My youngest sister will want to sleep over in our room, and the two boys will give me cheesy grins and awkward hugs before they go to bed. I'll kiss and hug my parents goodnight in the tradition of our family, and my dad will whisper in my ear he's glad I'm home.

I suppose this is a rather rambling entry. Perhaps it is because I feel rather rambling myself. Getting through the stress of finals, packing up all one's belongings, saying goodbye to close friends, and being excited to go home produces a rambling state of mind. Whatever the case, in a few weeks my rambles will be over and I'll be blogging about home and work and the books that I'm going to read for fun. Yeah, I really am ready to go home.

Monday, May 03, 2004

This was a quiz in Lee's campus paper. It supposedly determines how 'in the bubble' one is. Some of these statements are semi-exclusive to Lee, but maybe some fellow students will get a kick out of them as well. The affects of being in a college bubble seem to be universal.

Lee is home if:

You spend more than three hours a day in the cafeteria.
You remember the dates of all the dorm's open dorm nights but you forget your family's birthdays.
You plan your weekends around the times that the food court is open.
You know how many flex dollars you have but not how much money is in your back account.

Current Events:

You have forgotten what a "Democrat" is.
You have forgotten who's running for president.
You didn't even remember it was an election year.
You think Fox news is fair and balanced.

Operant Conditioning:

You think a trolley is a part of a normal street scene.
You no longer have any regard whatsoever for traffic when crossing a street on foot.
You have begun inventing new parking spaces in public parking lots as well as on campus.
You entirely ignore any sort of fire alarm.
Whenever prompted for a password on the Internet, you automatically enter your Social Security Number.

Quirks and Miscellany:

You can predict the cafeteria menu for at least the next two days.
You know how to get to and from Wal-Mart...but that's about it.
You remember plans for successfully breaking curfew more often than the times your classes meet.
You know the full names of all the Greek clubs (even if you're not a member of one).
You would consider upholstering something entirely orange.

I took the quiz, added up the points, and happily fall into the category that reads: you appear to have a solid grounding in reality. Beware, though, how the mighty have fallen; guard your awareness with your life.