Friday, February 27, 2004

New word invented by Junior in reference to his reaction to Mountian Dew.

Estaticated: beyond happiness; beyond satisfaction; the next level.

Never underestimate the power of Mountain Dew in Junior.

Wednesday, February 25, 2004


We are all feeling it: the effects of a slow and rainy Saturday and Sunday followed by a overcast Monday and Tuesday. It's the feeling that the weekend had never really begun, and that Monday had brought nothing new either. We're all in the pre-Spring Break doldrums. We need something new, even if it's just a sunny day.

Friday, February 20, 2004

In my heart's sequestered chambers lie truths stripped of poet's gloss.
Words alone are vain and vacant and my heart is mute.
In response to aching silence memory summons half-heard voices,
And my soul finds primal eloquence and wraps me in song.

If you would comfort me, sing me a lullaby.
If you would win my heart, sing me a love song.
If you would mourn me and bring me to God,
Sing me a requiem, sing me to heaven.

Sing Me to Heaven, by Daniel E. Gawthrop. Copyright 1991 by Dunstan House.

Thursday, February 19, 2004

Damsel in Distress

They all wanted to help me, wanted to bestow their great knowledge. In the end I allowed them to believe it, even though I realized too late that I knew much more than they. They walked away pleased with themselves, believing they had rescued another damsel in distress. If only they knew...
Her shirt was incredibly oversized, dating back twenty years. The black and white geometric shapes that went halfway down her thighs were embellished with a white frizzled fringe around the collar, and an ostentatious bow flopped from the side. More bobbles of white frizzle were scattered randomly over the body of the shirt, giving the impression of a Cosby Show designer gone haywire. Her pants were black vinyl, tapering to fit tightly over impossibly high and pointed black boots.

To add further interest to her two toned outfit, she wore an overabundance of makeup. Bright red lipstick, penciled-in taupe eyebrows, and reddish-brown rouge contrasted sharply with her thick layer of painstakingly applied foundation and powder.

I smiled to myself as I watched the lady. She was simply a southern belle gone awry, believing that she could still be fashionable in the things she wore twenty years ago.

Friday, February 13, 2004

A conversation between a fellow student and I after we discovered that we are both from the Northwest.

"Yeah, it's nice here, but I really miss good salmon."
"No kidding, and Tillimook Cheese."
"Aww...Tillimook Cheese."
"Everything here tastes different. Like, have you noticed the beef?"
"Yeah, it tastes kind of, I don't know, blah."
"I miss seeing the mountains too. REAL mountains. No offense, but 'mountains' here are just like speedbumps."
"And not just seeing the mountains, but seeing the mountains and the Pacific at the same time."
"And have you noticed that you can't smell evergreens here?"
"Yeah. Disiduous trees are okay, but you can't have any pinecone fights."
"I guess we Northwesterners are pretty spoiled."
"I like it that way."

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Last Saturday night I sat on my friend's bed, laughing at myself and the irony of my situation. I, a pastor's kid, was actually looking through the Yellow Pages for a church to go to the following morning.

The section for churches was about six pages long for this area, and half those pages were filled entirely with Church of God congregations. It's obvious that this city is the international headquarters of the Church of God. After the Church of God section came the Baptist section, not quite as long as the Church of God, but close. Under the Baptist section then came all the sub-Baptist sections: Southern Baptist, Reformed Baptist, Traditional Baptist, etc, etc. Pentecostal and Presbyterian had modest sections, and last but not least was the Non-denominationals with a mere three listings.

My friend and I randomly picked out a Church of God from the columns of churches, looked up their website for directions, and attended service Sunday morning. My only comment about Sunday is that I don't recommend randomly picking out a church from the Yellow Pages. The Yellow Pages may be helpful in finding a good mechanic or chiropractor, but the margin of error in choosing a church is just too large, especially in Cleveland.

Next Sunday I look forward to attending All Saints Anglican Church in Chattanooga. I anticipate singing the liturgy and partaking in the Eucharist.

Sunday, February 01, 2004

Bookstore Etiquette

I used to think Barnes and Noble was the perfect place to be isolated with my own thoughts and interests. Granted, there are always other book lovers in Barnes and Noble, but there is an unspoken rule of bookstore etiquette that customers don't really talk to one another. Any communication is confined to a quiet "Pardon me." even just a nod of the head. I don't go to Barnes and Noble to socialize with other strangers, I go for the sole purpose of indulging my interests.

Last night, however, my usual experience in Barnes and Noble changed. It seems as if the Chattanooga Barnes and Noble has become the next 'pick up' place, with every other guy checking my friend and I out and even trying to introduce themselves with cheesy pick up lines. Don't they know that clubs and bars are the place to do that? Don't they realize that the girls who go to Barnes and Noble at 9 o'clock at night aren't looking to be picked up and would rather be left alone so they can read their book? Don't they know that girls who are in Barnes and Noble will admire a guy more for quietly reading Plato in the philosophy section rather than saying "I want to talk to you." as the girl walks past them in the aisle?

Obviously, these supposed book lovers did not know. Maybe they were new bookstore addicts and had not as of yet learned bookstore etiquette. Perhaps that could be the next bestseller: 'Bookstore Etiquette: 10 things you never do while in Barnes and Noble".